Venue done. Food tasted. Flowers picked. Dress has been fitted. Fiance responds with "Whatever you want. It's your fairytale wedding." And yet I can literally cry on command right now. In fact, I was crying 5 minutes ago for no reason.
My fiance doesn't get it and I honestly can't explain it...but I am sensitive as all hell right now! I am not angry...or scared...I am just emotional.
I am already a sensitive "cry a lot" type person so yeah just imagine a big pile of waterworks..puffy eyes snotty nose and all.
When I got out of a bad relationship, my family and friends kept describing the person who I should be with...the person I deserved. He would make me smile, make me laugh, appreciate my awkward moments, take care of me, love me unconditionally, support me when I would feel broken, make me a better person, oh and be handsome :) Then I met Matt and it's like my family and friends...my support system...sent him to me through their prayers and wishes. I honestly had a hard time believing in someone loving me...I didn't feel deserving. Matt broke every brick down and found my heart.
Of course he will tell you I chased him and wouldn't let him walk away...but this is my blog :)
I haven't been planning for this day the last 10 months...I have been planning for this day since I used used to marry my barbies on my bedroom floor. Yep I kept it Klassy. I think that's where my own pressure is coming from. I don't only want this day to be special for me, I want it to be special for my fiance too. When I say "I do," I want my fiance to know that I mean it. That I want to make him as happy as he makes me, that I want to be the best version of myself for him. Yep crying again.
So last night I could not sleep. Tossed and turned like a wild woman. I was thinking about the wedding...the dress...my whole family coming to town...and I started crying then getting frustrated because I was crying and could not fall asleep. Meet hot mess Aly. I took it out on my fiance for no reason whatsoever. Still feel bad about that. Despite the "hot mess" version of myself, my fiance held me until I fell asleep. He didn't understand why I was crying (are all guys super chill about weddings?!), but that didn't matter. He just wanted to make me feel better.
I texted my dad this morning to help me understand my emotions...he responded with:
My dad is so right. Matt has made my dreams come true. In 17 days I will promise forever to my best friend and my partner. They are tears of joy and they aren't going anywhere.
Then I realized where I got my never ending flow of tears from:
Hopefully in 17 days I will have gotten the tears a little bit under control....but until then, bring on the puffy eyes and snotty nose...I just can't help it. Blame how happy I am and my super sensitive dad.
PHOTO CREDIT: aly